Author Robert Benson wrote a book with that title many years ago. In it he penned his struggle coming to grips with God, and his long held faith in the midst of a significant struggle with depression. To be honest, not much stuck with me from the content of the book, maybe a sentence or two. What has never left me is the title of the book, "Between the dreaming and the coming true." I do not know how many times that phrase has erupted from my memory vaults. There is something surreal, potent, and terrifying in those words. Yet somehow I inevitably end up at hope. I don't know how I get there, maybe it's the fact that I haven't arrived, and all my struggles and valleys and mountain tops can be regarded not as stuck in a moment rather from the eyes of an eagle. Watching the whole picture unfold - realizing that these moments, this moment, will pass. Today I am caught in one of those moment where I want the coming true right now, I need the coming true right now. Yet here I sit in the dreaming, the worrying, the valley.
Benson says "When I was younger, I worried a great deal whether or not I was going to make it home to God.... What I fear now is that I will somehow miss what I am supposed to learn heresomething important enough that the Dreamer dispatched me, and the rest of us, here to learn. What I fear now is that I will somehow miss the point of living here at all, living here between the dreaming and the coming true."
I don't want to miss that either. That there is a God who chose me. Me. Well, not just me, he chose you too. I so easily can choose not to remember that He is here in this moment too. That He wants me in this moment for some reason. Eventhough I can't see it coming true. Eventhough it involves pain, fear, regret. Eventhough I feel lonely. He has my here, today. And I can deal with today.
I think this is where hope begins to heat up in me, where it starts to push through my viens. Somehow it takes over my clenched fists and tired heart. Where hope inspires the fretful moments. Hope deals out peace.
"The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I come that you might have life and have it to the full."
John 10:10
Well, if you are like me, you have walked this journey too. I am going to seek the full life by hoping fully today. Maybe you can too.
Hey Scott,
ReplyDeleteI love your blog. Only discovered it the other day and can't stop reading it! I am totally enjoying your funny and inspiring messages and thoughts. I can almost hear your voice as I read and can see your facial expressions at the same time. I also see Carla shaking her head, giggling, and rolling her eyes (although doing it with a look of total pride) at you.
It's really great Scott! I look forward to following you daily...or as often as you write.
Heidi