Moments

Came home after a long day at work and had an even "longer" night at home.  My wife was already spent cause the kids, specifically our youngest, had not been her typical angelic self (clear throat here).  It was also the end of the power hour every parent endures just before supper, and I tripped over shoes in the doorway.  Supper was complained about, the dog was tortured, and it quickly became apparent, that it would have been easier to force feed the kids haggis than have them complete their homework. 
It was then that I decided to give myself a time out.  Didn't work.  Came out fiestier than before.  My kids felt the brunt of my head space.   Man that never feels good.  As a parent I am supposed to be the one in control.  Bed time couldn't come quick enough.  Well the evening passed without much repreave. 

As I went to bed, I laid there eyes wide open and mind racing.  Music would help so I popped on my IPOD.   Started listening to some worship tunes and almost immediately started regretting my actions.  And were they relentless.  I thought back through the years of how I have screwed up as a parent, the "I wish I had done this or that" moments.  How fast my son has grown up, how at times work had taken precedence over family.  Then my mind kicked into overdrive.  Brutal.  On and on I considered my regrettable actions, my "lack of's", my capacity to be a complete jerk in one moment, a "wonderful" leader in the next and worse, not think twice about it.  Hello tears.  They came almost faster than the stunning memories.

I called it.

I said, "God I am a pitiful man.  I cannot do this.  I want to be the best dad, best husband, best leader, but I keep screwing it up.  I am so sorry for disappointing you and for disappointing my kids, my family."
I wasn't sure what to expect, well, I should say, figured it was going to be a long night.  What I didn't expect was God's voice.  Audible no, profound yes.

"I am for you"

"But..."  Didn't get to complete my sentence. 

"Scott, I am for you.  I know you are sorry.  I know you are human.  I get it.  You are never going to the perfect anything.  I forgive you.  I love you.  Walk in grace brother, tomorrow is a new day."

Peace, hope, contentment starting piling in the mental elevator.  Man was that sweet.  Sleep came soon after.  So I share this today, cause maybe you just need to hear the same thing.  It's not exclusive to pastors, parents or the male gender.  It's inclusive to you.  So hear Jesus' words to you today,

"I am for you."