It's 2 am somewhere, well, right here

So, a couple nights ago, I was in that beautiful deep sleep point of the night (REM apparently, or at least that's what they told us health class in Grade 6 - you know, it's where your eyeballs are going schizo back and forth.  That being said, to this day I have no clue why eyeballs do that.  Like does your arm twitch uncontrollably at some point in the night too?) dreaming about walking in my mankini on the beach in Hawaii.   When I was awoken by an attrocious (how do you spell that anyway?) noise.  I am talking an airhorn built for hard of hearing giants who wear ear muffs kind of noise.   My youngest, Caedyn, is so freaked out, she decided it was critical to scream louder than the siren of doom.  She comes shreaking into our bedroom, dives on the bed, pancakes the dog, and buries herself under the covers in less than 4 seconds.  I had no clue what hit me.  My wife says something to the effect of "stop farting" and shoves Caedyn over to my side.  As quickly as the noise began, it stopped.  Well, the siren that is - Caedyn was still howling like the woman I saw at Costco the other day, who, and I kid you not, somehow completely missed seeing the large bump on the road painted bright yellow and built to easily maneouver as a human, and tripped over that puppy and had the shopping cart she was pushing land squarely on top of her, trapping her in it's wire mesh death trap.  It was not pretty yet beautiful in the same moment.  At his point I still had no clue where the noise came from.  I immediately struck out to find the source of this chaos.  Nothing.  No red lights indicating trouble on my fire alarm/carbon monixide detectors.  Checked all four.  No emergency vehicles.  No car alarms.  Zip.  I even checked the curb to see if Costco chicky pants happened to fall on my driveway.  Zip.  I decided it must have been a horrible dream and that I actually was wearing a mankini in Hawaii and forgot to shave my back.  I check on my other two kids.  Megan was still sleeping when I went in to her room, and when I bent over her, she opened her eyes and said "my leg is cramping."  I have no clue either.  My son Brady, was completely buried in his pillow with the sheets pulled over his skull.  I peeled back the covers only to have him shriek in terror and start crying.  He thought Ironman had gone evil and was jack hammering through the roof  into his room to kidnap him and force him into slave labour making Barbie Movies.  The poor kid.  I had to sit with him for 15 minutes just to get his breathing controlled.  I finally crawled back into bed only to receive a head butt from Caedyn the moment I put my skull on the pillow.  Lovely. 

Oh the memories.