Night Time Terrors

This morning did not start off on the right foot.  I have no clue what that means but apparently that's what people say.  I am a right foot forward kind of guy (because everyone is wanting to know...)   After the kidlets got out of school yesterday, we packed the van of love and hit the highway.  Well, that is not completely true, we followed Willy & Margeet who were traveling at about a snails pace, down the only hill leaving our lovely community.  This only took approx. 16 hours, at which Willy decided to turn off (without using his blessed signal) and not quite leaving enough room for anyone to slid around him as he waited to turn (with no attempt to move his hand toward the signal light indicator at all).  Nothing.  Yes, I do know I said that twice...  Back off (told you I was a little cranky). 

We arrived in cow town (giggle - that is a really funny way to say Calgary) after about 7 hours of travel including stops (had to make up a little time after Willy & Margeet's pleasure cruise).  Now it was late (midnightish) and being efficient parental units, we had already made the change into PJ's mid travel - getting my feet into those built in slipper pants was tough but accomplished while only mooning 3 people.  Actually, it was only 2 people but I threw an extra one out there for W & M's midafternoon drive-a-thon.   So we shipped the kiddies off to bed, chatted it up with my bro-in-law and hit the sack. 

I have mentioned previously that my youngest, Caedyn, cares less about sleeping and adores yelling at night.  Attempting to usurp that nightly adventure, Carla and I agreed, that she will sleep beside me in bed and Carla will take her sleeping arrangement.  Fine until about 4am (that's 3 am my time - building the story here people) when I get a left hoof into the solarplexes.  I was able to recover, shove Caedyn back over to her pillow and close my lids.  5am I wake up sweating like a horse, only to realize that there is probably a pretty good chance it is due to the fact that my daughter has so tightly arranged herself next to me that she mind as well be an appendage.  My hairy back provides enough warmth for six small people, never mind a 5 year old in wooly pants, draped over top of me.  Unreal.  Again, I shuffle her over to the farthest point possible of the bed, strap her down, and close my eyes.  6am arrived shortly after as did my daughters yelp for having to pee.  I believe it was then I came to the conclusion that, I am dropping my daughter off at the zoo, no, I am going to make her walk to the zoo. 

Because it was dark and apparently there were large ogre's in the hallway I provided an escort.  I will say, this arrived with a bonus.  I had tried to "Roll Up The Rim To Win" about 6 times on the trip (no one ever wins those fat Tim Horton liars) with no success but 4 litres of fluids.  Arriving back to the room, I counseled Caedyn that she could indeed survive the next 3 hours with only pajama pants and no panties on.  Did I fail to mention that Caedyn didn't quite make it to the toilet and might have, oh I don't know, created the only wet spot on my side of the bed?  After cries of "Daddy my bum feels weird" I was able to convince her to at least put her head on the pillow and that I would pray some panties would appear, we, er, I closed my eyes. 

Sleep finally came at 7:30am but it was to no avail.  Apparently the first time you go sans panties at age 5, you cannot control leg twitches.  I kid you not, 30 minutes later Caedyn wakes me up to ask for another escort out of the room.  Wearily, I somehow responded with,  "Sweetheart, I will hold your hand to the end of the bed and from there I am sure you can make it."  This was not acceptable.  The tears started flowing, yelps of "but Daddy, I can't do it," and sheer panic ensued.  Let me be abundantly clear here people:  There is exactly 4 steps for big people, to get from the bed to the door, and for some unknown, mind-blowing, blood boiling, other worldy, roll up and start to whimper in the fetal position reason those 4 steps were full of trepidation .  I lost it.  I threw her blanket to the door and said go get it, covered my head with a pillow and made a vow to move to another country when she reaches puberty.  The crying would not stop.  I launched out of bed, whipped open the door, lovingly shoved my daughter out the door, slammed the door shut and dove back on the bed landing squarely on the wet spot.

Today is going to be just lovely.